disclaimer: rant. dont read if you dont want to! sorry, i know in my first post i said this was gonna be different and i wasnt going to rant about vaguely mentioned people, or hide stuff. but i kinda need to rant): to taaaalk. and please dont think you're the one im talking about. i think the person in question doesnt even read this blog, so in that way i think im safe.
SOMETIMES I JUST CANT STAND YOUUUUU.
what the hell la! you used to be my absolute best friend, you know that? i'd tell you everything and anything, and you'd tell me alot of stuff too! maybe you can say its because im a loser and lack people to talk to, so the amount i talked to you seems little! but we talked like every day and i kinda thought it was a substantial amount. talking to a person for at least an hour, sometimes even from morning to night, EVERY DAY, for about 3 months, at least qualifies her as a good friend, right?
i thought you were my best friend, honestly. if i claimed anyone else was my best friend it was to make me look less like a loser without proper friends. i ranked you way up there, and you were on my msn best friends list. up with chloe and hoongyan and kailin and phoebe and fiona and all my best friends! i know it sounds damn ego of me la, but do you even deserve to be my friend!
maybe you're busy, maybe you had a valid excuse for not being on for so long. or maybe you blocked me. maybe i didnt matter anymore once you found some other friend to talk to! but what im saying is, i didnt hear from you for a good two months.
i'd forgiven you. i thought, oh, its okay la! XXX is busy lah, not that im being abandoned without other friends. everything will probably be back to normal once the holidays are here, or maybe once the year is over!
but its so not like anyone to disappear without a word, and come back without a word.
maybe you had some kind of change of heart. everything else just bluff me la. i know im stupid, okay! WHATEVER.
maybe you were disappointed, and maybe you realised your normal friends were much better than me, and i was just a stupid little girl all along.
but like, OI!
when good friends meet after a long time, good friends catch up, right?
good friends dont act like nothing's happened and just act like, oi, get on with it. and make small talk, and then go back to ignoring each other.
i didnt want to show that i was mad at you because im too damned polite (edit: in my rage, i'd forgotten how to spell courteous)
and also because of the simple reason, that i think we can still be friends.
you probably thought i was perfectly normal. like i still joked, and talked.
that was kinda cause there were other people around okay.
other people that i dont qualify as my best friends, but unfortunately ARE STILL MORE WELL-MANNERED THAN YOU.
people go, 'hey sorry, was busy and couldnt come on this weekend'.
you? nothing! and its been more than three months!
so three months can undo what three months did?
i wont lie. the three or four or maybe more (damn that rhymed) months with you as my best friend were awesome, and possibly some of my happiest. fine, maybe they werent very happy to you. is that why i dont matter anymore?
i hate you.
fine, i hate myself more. i hate myself for thinking you were so perfect! for thinking you were my best friend! for expecting so much and getting nothing! for liking talking to you so much! for enjoying your company and being under the illusion that you enjoyed mine! for being stupid!
joyce is stupiddddd.